By Anne Fenn & Ellen Vanstone

Published in Chatelaine magazine (Holiday 2008)

POSTEDBY CHRISSIE – 8:35 A.M. – DECEMBER 1, 2008

Okay everybody, I’ve phoned and emailed each of you, sothere’s no excuse for ignoring our “Kendall FamilyNewsletter/Blog”. Our “blog” is now a year old, and despite someminor misunderstandings last year, I think we all agree it’s thebest way to share family information/photos, organize our Kendall Christmaswhile saving time, paper, fossil fuels and the planet. (It’s a shame Mom can’tparticipate - but can’t expect her to use a computer at her age! The good newsis we can use this blog to discreetly discuss howto move her out of the house and into a seniors’ home.) Anyway, so far Mai-Lin is “blogging” more than any ofyou, and she’s only been part of the family for two years! (maybe she can teachour brother Peter how to write an entry?) Also,Megan, dinner is at your condo this year. And just because I’m a stay-at-homemother without a “high-powered” job doesn’tmean I should have to organize the whole thing again, “capishe”? (Couldn’t find “capishe” on spell-check, butit’s Italian for “get it??”) I already started the Job List so everyone please checkit out! (Just click on the “link.’)

POSTED BY MEGAN – 2 A.M.– DECEMBER 3, 2008

chrissie, I’m sure if you really want a high-powered jobyou could get one with the U.S.military, interrogating prisoners at guantanamo…also, i invited michelle to join us this year – she & mark just broke upand she was going to be all alone for xmas. I know you couldn’t stand her inhigh school, but I’m sure you’d get along with her now.

p.s.  capishe isspelled capiche, capiche?

POSTED BY JASON – 5:02A.M. – DECEMBER 3, 2008

Hi Chrissie, My psychiatrist believes my depression lastyear was caused by unexpressed anger towards my former employer, so I’d like tocongratulate you on expressing your rage! I’m still learning how to expressmine properly after going overboard with some voice messages on my boss’s homephone, which led to my restraining order. Anyway, I’ve been taking Bonnie Sterncooking classes as part of my cognitive behavioural “think positive/try newthings” therapy. I’m still too psychologically fragile to return to work, butmy lemon pound cake is a hit at several of my support groups, which hasfattened up my ego (and me!) to the point where I’d like to cook Xmas dinner.Marla agrees I’m emotionally prepared to tackle turkey, not to mentionstuffing! Wish we could host, but our new downsized home barely has room forme, Marla & little Tamara. Maybe Mom’s house?

POSTED BY PETER – 10:48A.M. – DECEMBER 7, 2008

Hey Bro – Good to hear you’re learning some new skills –me, Mai-Lin & baby Jai can’t wait to sink ourfangs into your Xmas bird! P.S.  HeyChrissie, I posted this all by myself!

POSTED BY MAI-LIN – 11:30A.M. – DECEMBER 7, 2008

Sorry Chrissie! I ask Peter to post, and then he teaseyou – he’s incorrigible! (my new English word of the day) And Jason – afterlessons I gave you in Thai cooking, let’s cook turkey together!

POSTED BY CHRISSIE – 9:03A.M. – DECEMBER 8, 2008

I’m glad everyone is finally WRITING in this blog, but isanyone READING what I wrote about Mom? We cannot have Xmas dinner at her houseas it would be too disruptive for her, and we MUST talk about getting her intoa seniors’ home since none of us has time to visit her regularly and this blogis our only chance to discuss it together since Megan is always jet-settingaround the world for work (leaving a carbon footprint the size of Antarctica –when it used to have ice! – kidding!!) BTW Megan – Nice of you to inviteMichelle but since your condo is so small I think we should make it a “family-only”event. Maybe you can have Michelle over for an eggnog earlier in the day? (ifyou think her massive cleavage will fit through those narrow doorways, ha ha!)

POSTED BY MEGAN – 3 A.M.– DECEMBER 9, 2008

chrissie - thanks for reminding me i never visit mom -i’ve been so busy looking after katie & jack, writing cheques to my Xhusband and destroying the ozone layer, i almost forgot! RE: michelle – noprobs, I’ll have her over for Xmas brunch instead

POSTED BY JASON – 3:02A.M. – DECEMBER 9, 2008

Dear Chrissie, Please don’t take this the wrong way, butyour unexpressed rage seems to be affecting your christmas spirit!
I know, I’ve been there. Please know that if you feel threatened by Michelle’ssubstantial bust – which I can totally understand given your own agonizingbreast reduction last year – we are all here to listen. xoxo Jason.

POSTED BY CHRISSIE – 8:03A.M. – DECEMBER 9, 2008

Jason, I am not “threatened” by Michelle. I just find herconstant need for male attention sad –her skimpy shirts, plunging necklines andher passion for bowling, pool and ping pong – any excuse to bend over. Whydoesn’t she save herself money on clothes, go topless and hang a tray aroundher neck to display her double D’s?

POSTED BY PETER – 11:55 A.M. – DECEMBER 9, 2008

Dear demented breast-obsessed siblings: Anyone who logson to this blog can read everything you’re writing

POSTED BY MEGAN – 6:09 P.M. – DECEMBER 10, 2008

Shut up Peter, you are not helping. it was probably yourconstant teasing that made Chrissie so self-conscious about her own formerdouble-Ds – tho I have to say Chrissie, just cuz you got a breast reduction doesn’t mean Michelle should. you’relike a reformed smoker who thinkseveryone else should quit too.

POSTED BY JACK – 4:26P.M. – DECEMBER 13, 2008

hey mom, what does ‘double d’s” mean?

POSTED BY MAI-LIN – 7:44P.M. – DECEMBER 15, 2008

Jason – I found a recipe for Thai Turkey on Internet – itlooks like succulent ambrosia (two new English words today!) I’m so excited toco-cook this for my Canadian family!

POSTED BY CHRISSIE –10:20 A.M. – DECEMBER 18, 2008

1) Everyone: Turns out Megan’s TEN-year-oldson Jack has been reading this blog since last Xmas! I thought we had all agreed it’s for “adults only”? 2) Dear Mai-Lin – your offer to help make Thaiturkey is very kind, but it’s actually Megan’s turn to host dinner this year, and I’m sure she’ll want to serve atraditional turkey dinner.

POSTED BY MEGAN – 1:01 P.M. – DECEMBER 18, 2008

U freakin kidding me? Mai-Lin YES that would be so greatif you & jason could do dinner!!! gotta run,it’s 6 p.m. here in Parisand I’m late for reception at the ritz.

POSTED BY JASON – 11:39A.M. – DECEMBER 19, 2008

Hey Sibs – just talked to mom — she’s totally fine withxmas
dinner at her house — as long as she doesn’t have to cook!

POSTED BY CHRISSIE – 8:26 A.M. – DECEMBER 20, 2008

Hello?!!!  We’resupposed to be discussing putting Mom in a residence and selling the “oldhomestead”, NOT making her host Xmas dinner in her frail condition!!!

POSTED BY MAI-LIN – 3:04 P.M. – DECEMBER 20, 2008

Dear Chrissie – Please don’t succumb to stress-out. Your Mom loves the Thai food I cook for her every week when Ivisit!

POSTED BY CHRISSIE – 3:16 P.M. – DECEMBER 20, 2008

Dear Mai-Lin – I didn’t realize you visited our mother soregularly. I don’t know what to say, that is so kind ofyou. I talk on the phone with her quite a bit, in fact, she wants me to pick up gifts forthe kids (guess she’s not up to shoppingthis year), which reminds me: See the Children’s Gift List so we can avoidduplicates and inappropriate gifts. Please note, Doug & I ask that yourespect our request for books or educational toys only for George, Maddie andDana.

POSTED BY GEORGE – 1:17 P.M. – DECEMBER 21, 2008

hi mom, us kids want to help with christmas too. heresour list for Santa:

george (me) and jack - action video games and money!!!!!!

kate & maddie – BRATZ DOLLS.  money (50 dolars each)

tamara dana and jai - baby stuff.

POSTED BY CHRISSIE – 8:17 A.M – DECEMBER 22, 2008

Megan, I realize you don’t have time to supervise thechildren on the few occasions you’re in town, but I’m concerned they could be “hacking” into inappropriate sites. (And pleasenote: I will personally pummelanyone who buys Maddie one of those “prostitute”dolls.)

POSTED BY MEGAN – 5:45 P.M. – DECEMBER 23, 2008

arghhhh-chrissie!!!!! stop putting everything intoquotation marks & do me a favour ??!! I’m about to get on a 9 hour flight,totally forgot to disinvite Michelle re: Xmas – could u plse call her? thanks& see you all at momms!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POSTED BY JASON – 8:17 A.M – DECEMBER 24, 2008

megan – don’t worry about michelle, I ran into her at canadian tire last night at 9 p.m. and toldher not to come. She seemed a little surprised but I was proud of myself forbeing so direct, and I also told her it had nothing to do with her breasts.

POSTED BY PETER – 2:05 P.M. – DECEMBER 24, 2008

Hey Jason - I’m proud of how well you’re progressing inyour therapies, but we have to talk. Meanwhile, can someone send me Michelle’snumber asap so Mai-Lin and I can invite her over for boxing day???

POSTED BY CHRISSIE – 4:00 P.M – DECEMBER 24, 2008

!!!!!!What must you all think of me? Of course I didn’tdisinvite Michelle! No wonder she looked so surprised, Jason – I had justcalled her to make sure she knew how to get to Mom’s house! And speaking ofMom, has anyone seen or heard from her? She seems to have completelydisappeared and I’m very worried.

POSTED BY MOM – 1:14 A.M. DECEMBER 25, 2008

Greetings from sunny Cancun, everyone! Lookwhose boyfriend taught her how to use the Internet! I know, I’ve been quitenaughty not telling you about Victor sooner, and I’m sorry we skipped out onChristmas dinner and missed Jason and Mai-Lin’s delicious Thai turkey! Victorand I have decided to stay at his beautiful beach-side condo until mid-March.I’ll call soon as we’re back to discuss sale of the house etc. as Victor hasinvited me to move in with him. What’s next?! Who knows? Stay tuned! MerryChristmas and Happy New Year! Love, Your Crazy Mother