“Blunt Talk About Sex and the City”

By Anne Fenn

Published in Metro Newspaper, May 27, 2008

When I was growing up the only people who talked about sex were immature males and septuagenarian sex therapists like Dr. Ruth and Sue Johanson. Then along came “Sex and the City”. Every (unedited) episode contained the kind of female dialogue that could make a locker room of NHL players engage in a group blush. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte brought sex out of the dirty closet and into the realm of the public and glamorous, forever changing the way women think, feel, and talk about sex.

For many women, the show was like a weekly encounter with an experienced, fearless lover who broke down barriers and sometimes blew our minds. Although the first time I heard Samantha say “pussy”, I wanted to cover my felines’ ears, the fact is, I never covered mine. And like the proverbial cat, I always came back.

Thanks to “Sex and the City”, girlfriends now openly discuss everything from bi-sexuality, to penis size, to skid marks in their boyfriend’s underwear – and more sexual toys, positions, and fetishes than Miranda’s housekeeper could shake a statue of the Virgin Mary at. We’re now well-informed about sexual health issues, including erectile dysfunction, lazy ovaries, crabs, Chlamydia, vulvodynia – we even saw Samantha through her first AIDS test. We can debate re-virginization, tri-sexuality, and everybody’s favorite, the open-door dump.

Like any great comedy series worth its weight in controversy, “Sex and the City” had its detractors. Some accused the show of taking advantage of a double standard – that you’d never see a show with men talking that bluntly about their sexual experiences with women. True, but given that it’s still pretty much a man’s world, can’t the patriarchy throw us the occasional bone of our own? Even the fictional, fantasy-fueled world of “Sex and the City” couldn’t shield its own women from the painful truth about male power and privilege – lessons that took six full seasons and a movie to learn. Getting Mr. Big aroused was easy. But getting him to commit? That’s hard.

Besides, most heterosexual men don’t want to talk about anything to do with relationships, period (including your period). Women are used to sharing the most intimate details of their lives with one another; it was only a matter of time before sex became a staple item in girlfriend discourse (which even sounds sexy). Most men are so easily aroused, that sharing intimate details about their heterosexual exploits with their buddies could inadvertently lead to something more serious than a group blush.

There are some things even “Sex and the City” couldn’t change.

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